As many of you may know, my first wife left me for another man. Over the past three years, I’ve walked through the gamut of emotions that are tied to this. I’ve felt hurt, betrayed, angry and guilty.
What’s that, you say? Guilty?
One of the things that I remember our marriage counselor saying, when the adultery came out, was that there is always a cause for it. I had been suffering with a severe depression since we had lost our house near St. Louis to foreclosure. I wasn’t always there for her. I wasn’t a good father. I wasn’t a good husband. I’ve accepted these things and have felt a massive amount of self-loathing over the things that I did in our marriage that made her feel that she needed someone else to satisfy her, both sexually and emotionally.
But that is NOT where the story ends. I have heard many women, including my own ex, point at their ex-husbands and say, “I didn’t leave you because I found someone else. I left you because you . . .,” well, take your pick of bad things that the husbands did. Here’s the thing: Leaving your spouse for another, whether you are the man or the woman, is a sin. And, surprise . . . nobody does it when he or she is happy in the marriage. Exodus 20:14 simply says, “You shall not commit adultery.” It doesn’t spell out any excuses that exempt you from the commandment. It doesn’t say, “You shall not commit adultery, unless you have a lazy spouse,” or “unless your spouse doesn’t satisfy you sexually,” or anything else.
I could take satisfaction in the fact that the relationship between my ex and the other guy didn’t last very long at all. But I don’t. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s never even shown a hint of remorse on her end.
There are some things to note, though. First, my divorce, if anything, strengthened my relationship with my daughter. I love every moment that I spend with her and, with the exception of Christ, she is the most important thing in the world to me.
Second, my ex is engaged to someone. I wish them well. From most of what I get from Kaitlyn, he’s an okay guy (with a few exceptions). But my ex has started a friendship back up with the guy for whom she left me. I feel really sorry for her fiance’, because I’m convinced that she still loves the other guy and, should her new beau make a wrong move-and the first guy would give her someone to run to-she’d be gone.
Why do I care?
I’ve already put Kaitlyn through a second divorce. I don’t want it to happen to her again.